Merlin's Search
by siren-girl
Summary: Set after the end of series 4, Merlin decides to find Morgana, but is followed by Arthur who takes her captive. Will Merlin manage to save Morgana? And will he be able to convince her to leave Camelot in peace?
1. Chapter 1

Merlin had been thinking again. He had tried hard all morning to focus on his duties, but his curiosity would never leave him alone. The thought just kept running around his head: What had happened to Morgana?

Arthur believed that she was most likely dead, and most of the castle seemed to agree, but Merlin _knew_ she was alive. He also knew that if she were alive, she would surely attempt to seize the throne again. This meant that Arthur's life was still in danger and, if people were correct about Merlin's 'destiny', it meant that it was up to him to stop Morgana.

Merlin hadn't mentioned Morgana to Arthur, or that he thought he could find her; he knew exactly what Arthur would say. "You _idiot_, Merlin. You're hardly capable of looking after yourself, let alone a whole kingdom."

This was why Merlin knew he had to leave Camelot and find Morgana alone, without telling anyone. Even Gaius had told him it was a fool's errand.

"Even if she is alive, Merlin, she would be far away from here by now," he had said, and Merlin hadn't argued. In fact, it was quite a good point, but Merlin refused to be deterred. He was unsure of what he would do once he found Morgana, but he would cross that bridge when he got there.

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><p>The castle was cold that night as Merlin crept through the empty corridors. His heart was pounding in his chest and his hands were sweaty where they held his small bag of provisions. He had to reach the stable and find his usual horse without being seen. If he was caught, Gaius, and probably Arthur, would realise what he had been trying to do.<p>

His breath formed white clouds around his mouth and he shivered, tugging his jacket closer to his skin. He was slinking across the courtyard to the stable when two guards rounded a corner, laughing and jeering about the day's work. Merlin froze, unsure what to do. It only took a few seconds for the guards to spot him. They paused, studying him in the dark of the night. Merlin seized his chance and bolted.

"Stop!" the guards shouted as Merlin sprinted past them. They watched him run with quizzical expressions. "Wasn't that Merlin? The King's servant?" one of them asked.

The other shrugged and they continued their patrol. What harm could Merlin do? He was quite renowned for being a bit of a fool.

Merlin had made it to the stable. Panting for breath, he began glancing into the boxes, searching for the scruffy, bay gelding.

The horse was startled to see him, but didn't complain as Merlin tacked him up and led him into the courtyard. The main gate was closed, but there was a side gate that they could leave through. Merlin knew they would be seen from the wall, he only hoped that he would be too far away for anyone to chase after them.

The side gate creaked and the horse scuttled through, with Merlin right behind him. The guard on the wall heard the noise and shouted for Merlin to halt where he was. Shining a torch over the wall, the flame's light allowed him to see a figure mounting their horse and then swiftly gallop away. He called to the other guards, who told him that Merlin had been spotted in the courtyard. They decided against raising the alarm. It was just Merlin, after all.

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><p>Merlin's horse slowed as they reached the forest. It seemed highly improbable that anyone would come after them now. Merlin had managed to escape the castle, but that had been the easy bit. The hard bit was finding Morgana and somehow convincing her not to return to Camelot again.<p>

There was still a possibility that she was dead, Merlin reminded himself, his gaze flashing around the surrounding trees. He had no idea how many creatures, magical or not, were living out here and whether they were capable of tearing him limb-from-limb. He thought briefly about all the creatures he and Arthur had fought in this forest. The thought was not comforting, so he turned his mind to finding Morgana instead.

He had no idea where she'd gone after fleeing the castle, so he was following the main trail out of Camelot. Maybe the best way to think about it would be to figure out where she wouldn't have gone.

The horse abruptly broke his concentration by shying at something in the darkness and almost throwing him off.

"Easy, Diablo," Merlin said gently, patting the horse's neck.

Diablo was not reassured by the gesture and scuttled sideways, snorting. Merlin rocked in the saddle and started to feel slightly worried. He picked up his reins and tried to hold the large beast in.

Diablo became panicked at the tug on his mouth and bolted deeper into the forest. Merlin leaned forward and grabbed handfuls of mane into his hands to help keep his balance.

He knew it was too dark for Diablo to be able to see clearly enough to be going at such high speeds, but any attempt at stopping was futile. Merlin resigned himself to the fact that he was just going to have to wait for Diablo to tire himself out.

_At least we're covering a lot of distance, _Merlin thought silently as he ducked his head and just missed a branch.

Diablo stumbled, catching his hoof on a root. Tumbling forward, he caught himself and continued to race onward into the night. Fear filled Merlin and he muttered quietly to himself. Suddenly, the magic took hold and they were encased in light. It lit the forest around them and Merlin could see they had left the main path and were moving through the thickly-grown trees.

Diablo slowed now that he could see where he was. His ears flicked back and forth suspiciously, but he let Merlin pick up a contact again and guide them more carefully.

They hadn't been walking for more than a few minutes when Merlin spotted a cave. He would have sworn he could hear something within the cave. It was a kind of murmuring. He also picked up on a strangely familiar feeling at the entrance.

Leaving Diablo tethered to a tree, Merlin entered the cave, his magic still lighting his way. The cave was old and smelt smoky on the inside. The murmuring grew louder as he moved further in. It was distinctly a voice now. Merlin came to a fork in the cave. From one direction he could hear the voice and, from the other, he could hear a rough snoring noise.

Bringing his fingers to his hip, he felt for the sword that was fastened there. He had brought it as a last minute decision. He had taken it—stolen it—from the armoury, to which he had unlimited access due to being Arthur's servant. He would put it back when he returned to the castle, or so he told himself.

The voice stopped as he drew near and Merlin allowed the light around his body to fade as he reached the final corner. He knew it was the final corner because there was a torch lit there and he could hear someone moving.

Merlin didn't realise how little he had been expecting to find Morgana in the cave until he saw her. She was standing in the centre of the room. Her hair was loose and trailing down her back in ebony waves. She hadn't seen Merlin yet, and he stood mutely in the doorway, staring at her. Her back was to him and he could hear her humming softly to herself. Her dress was tattered, showing her long legs and the skin of her arms. Merlin couldn't move. What should he say? What had he meant to say to her?

Morgana turned, twisting her hair between her frail hands. She gently lifted her dark eyes and met Merlin's stunned gaze.

"Merlin!" she exclaimed, horror creeping onto her face. She held her hands in front of her chest and backed away from him.

"Morgana," Merlin returned, disturbed by her shock.

They stared at one another for a long while before Morgana finally dropped her piercing gaze and managed to speak.

"What are you doing here, Merlin?" she asked. Her voice was low and shaky.

"I was looking for you," he said, unable to think of anything better to tell her. She seemed so sad and alone. He wondered for a moment if he had meant to kill her. He knew he couldn't kill her. He didn't know what to do now. Awkwardly, he scratched the back of his head. "How did you come to be here?" he asked, lacking anything better to say.

Morgana's expression darkened and her eyes narrowed.

"I was brought here by…" she trailed off, thinking over her answer. "I was brought here by a dragon," she said, looking Merlin full in the face.

"A dragon?" Merlin immediately thought of _the_ dragon, but surely he would never help Morgana, and there were no other dragons. Or were there? "What did this dragon look like?" he asked, something occurring to him.

"White," Morgana said quickly. "A white dragon."

"Aithusa," Merlin breathed.

"What did you say?" Morgana asked quickly, never one to miss anything.

"Um, nothing," Merlin answered.

So Aithusa had saved Morgana. That was quite interesting. What importance did Morgana hold for the young dragon? And why wasn't he with the older, wiser dragon, with whom Merlin had left him?

Morgana watched Merlin's face attentively. She had a lurking feeling that Merlin was here to kill her. She didn't think he was capable, but why else would he have gone looking for her? _Perhaps Arthur sent him,_ she thought to herself. Then she almost laughed. Arthur sending _Merlin_ on a mission that held such danger? Never. She knew her brother well enough to know that he would never risk anyone else's life for his own.

Watching Merlin was making her feel horribly uncomfortable. She remembered the way his eyes looked when he was worried, and how he laughed. She recalled when he had been her friend and made sure she was always well cared for. She also remembered the way he had betrayed that friendship. He had always loved Arthur more than he had ever loved her.

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but none of his words would form. Morgana had looked almost happy in the last few moments, only to replace the expression with one showing pain and anger. She was now glaring at the cave wall, her eyes watering in the corners.

Even though she was dirty and miserable, Merlin couldn't help noticing how beautiful she was. He had tried so hard to learn to hate her but, even now, he still wanted to comfort her. Maybe there was still some good in her somewhere?

"Morgana," he said softly, moving nearer to her.

She shied away from his advance and wiped at an escaped tear with the edge of her ruined dress.

"Stay away, Merlin," she said, but he moved closer again. "I could kill you," she warned, her eyes glinting with darkness.

"But you wouldn't," he said guardedly. "You could have killed me many times over if you so wished."

"True," she said, smiling a little. "Maybe it's because I had planned for you to watch Arthur die at my hand first."

Merlin stared at her. She appeared to be more relaxed, and he hoped she was joking, but he couldn't be sure.

"Do you still mean to kill Arthur and become queen?" Merlin asked her directly.

"I will never stop trying to take what is rightfully mine!" Morgana shouted angrily. She calmed herself before she spoke again. "Do you know what it is like to lose who you are, Merlin? To feel like you no longer belong to yourself? That you are just a puppet in someone else's game?" Morgana gazed at him icily, waiting for his response.

"You'd be surprised," Merlin said quietly.

"You don't understand!" Morgana cried. "No one can understand! To be shunned by the only people I ever cared about, for developing something that I have no control over!" Morgana shuddered and hugged her arms limply about herself. "You don't know what that's like, Merlin. No one does. No one but me."

"Morgana." Merlin stepped towards her, his heart wrenching at each word she spoke. "I understand better than you think," he said carefully. "You're not alone, Morgana."

Her eyes stared into his with a painful intensity.

"What do you mean?" she asked. He didn't answer. He couldn't answer. "I said, what do you mean?"

Now it was Morgana's turn to advance on Merlin. She stepped hastily across the small room and waited. She wanted to punch him. Hard. Somewhere it would hurt. A lot.

Merlin stared down at Morgana. She was seething all of a sudden. But that wasn't what Merlin was thinking about. He actually couldn't stop from focussing on the fact that she was only a few mere inches away from him. If he took half a step, they would be chest to chest.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Morgana shouted. Clearly, she still thought she was the master and he was the servant. He could prove her wrong so easily. He wanted to prove her wrong.

"Morgana, why do you want to be queen?"

Silence.

"I told you! It is my right! That's why!"

"But do you really _want_ to be queen?"

Morgana's brow wrinkled while she thought. Her expression softened.

"No," she whispered. "Not now. Not after how it was. I don't know why they hate me so much. I didn't want to have to hurt them like that, but they left me with no choice!"

She was referring to all of Camelot. They would never accept anyone as their ruler but Arthur. Morgana had tried to force them into submission; to scare them into acceptance. It hadn't worked, and it never would.

"Morgana," Merlin murmured to her gently, "There is always a choice."

Why did he have to look at her like that? Like she was everything. Like she was all that mattered. Why did he have to be so _nice_? Why was her heart beating so fast? Why did she feel so dizzy? Was he this close before?

"I think you should leave," Morgana managed to say to him.

Merlin lifted his hand and touched her cheek. Her eyes widened and she jerked out of his reach.

"L-leave," she stuttered. "Go on. Hurry back to your king."

"Not yet," Merlin said, but it was almost a question.

Carefully, he brought his arms around her, pulling her closer. She struggled for a moment before realising how natural it felt, and how good. Her head fell forward and her forehead brushed his collar. She let her hands move to his chest and rest there. She remembered when she had still lived in Camelot, in the castle. She remembered imagining him holding her then, and how much she had wished he would. Just once. Or twice. Just to see how he could make her feel.

It was strange, to realise she still liked him, after everything they had both done. How many times had they almost killed the other?

"Merlin…"

He smiled into her hair. Her voice was so quiet and unsure. She sounded like the old Morgana. The one he had come close to loving. It had been surprisingly easy for that love to transform into hate. But it hadn't been real hate, because he had hated the _idea _of what she had become, not what she actually was. He truly believed there was something good left in her. She was so empty and defeated. He would have pitied her, but it didn't feel right. Comforting seemed more appropriate.

Morgana lifted her chin and discovered Merlin's face to be very near. He looked handsome in the light of the flame and she was drawn to him. She stood straight and reached her lips to him.

Neither of them had known what to expect, but it wasn't the fire that burned out from the touch and resounded through their bodies. Morgana started to draw back, but Merlin tightened his hold, pressing her against him. He leaned down and kissed her again. The fire exploded out through their bodies like lava and she was shaking. Why was she shaking?

Merlin refused to let her go. He hadn't known that kissing her would be like this. Morgana pressed closer and the kiss deepened. All that time they had spent together and they had never known how it would feel. The time felt so wasted now.

Morgana pulled away just enough to smile at Merlin. He grinned at her in return. Then the events of the past couple of minutes caught up with them and they broke apart. Morgana scurried backwards the second his arms dropped.

"What _was _that?" she asked, her magic boiling in her chest, begging her to touch him again. The feeling made her breathless.

Merlin shook his head.

"I'm not sure," he replied, equally breathless.

Morgana leant against the cave's wall and thought. She thought about everything. She thought about every moment she had heard Merlin's name, or caught a glimpse of him in the hall. She studied him now. It all made sense.

"You have a secret, Merlin," she said, and Merlin's wild expression confirmed her accusation. "You share my gift. You could have told me. Maybe—"

"You wouldn't have felt so much like an outsider and turned to…" Merlin struggled for the words to use to describe _them_. The ones who had given Morgana an escape route from her life and led her down the path of evil.

"It's okay," Morgana interrupted. "I know what you mean."

They both stared at the other.

"What now?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone. This is my first fanfic and I wasn't going to write anymore, but I realise that leaving it on a bit of a cliffhanger was mean, so I'll try to make amends by writing a few more chapters :)**

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><p>"I think I should leave," Merlin mumbled, not meeting Morgana's scared gaze.<p>

"Yes," she said quietly. "If that's what you want to do, Merlin."

It _wasn't _what he wanted to do, and it drove him half crazy when she said his name in that low, husky way. In the space of the last few minutes, it felt like days had flown past. How could he possibly have been going to kill her? Why had he wanted to?

Oh, yes. For Arthur. To save him. Everything was always for saving Arthur. Sometimes Merlin wanted nothing more than a few moments rest, or a day off, but that wasn't an option where Arthur was involved.

"Morgana, I—" Merlin started, but hastily stopped himself. Some things were better left unsaid. "Goodbye," he ended, and he saw Morgana's eyebrow rise slightly; she knew he had meant to say something else.

"I'll show you the way out," she said, silently fascinated that once Merlin had served her, and now she was leading him out of her cave.

"There's no need," Merlin said, but Morgana raised a hand to quiet him.

"The dragon might kill you if he sees you here," she explained.

Merlin resisted the urge to tell her about his relationship with the dragons; that he was a dragonlord and they would obey him.

"Of course," Merlin said instead.

Morgana moved past him, her bare arm brushing his sleeve, as they walked through the darkness together.

Merlin was ridiculously aware of her: the way she moved, how lightly she breathed, her soft skin… He was glad that she couldn't see that heat that had spread across his cheeks.

_How did he find me? _Morgana wondered the question for the hundredth time. She had, at first, felt frantic when he appeared. But then they had spoken and a little of their friendship had been rekindled.

But now he was going back to Arthur.

_Typical, _Morgana thought crossly. _He's always running after Arthur._

The light at the end of the tunnel showed and they both breathed a sigh of relief. The uncomfortable tension was coming to a close.

Merlin turned to meet her green eyes as they stood in the entrance to the cave. He noticed again how beautiful she was. Even though she was dirty and scruffy, she was still beautiful. Her lips almost curved into a smile, but the expression became pained. Merlin almost reached to touch her, but, at this point, it would have been a mistake.

"I never wanted to fight against you, Morgana," he said quietly. "I never wanted to do what I did to you. Believe me, I didn't."

Morgana nodded.

"I know," she said. "You were crying, Merlin. I could see your guilt."

Merlin smiled briefly at her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. Morgana closed her eyes as his lips brushed over her skin.

"Goodbye, Merlin," she whispered and brought her arms around him. "It's probably best if you don't come back here."

Merlin clenched his jaw. He knew she was right.

"Goodbye," he said as he stepped into the sunlight.

Morgana took a small step after him, entering the early morning light. She could see his horse waiting by a tree. She carefully lifted her hand and waved to Merlin. Then, they both heard the sound of hooves.

Arthur shot out from the forest, sword brandished, and cantered towards them. His gaze was firmly locked onto Merlin and Morgana began to pace backwards into the shadows.

"There you are!" Arthur shouted at Merlin. "I wondered where you were off to last night. I thought that you were going to the tavern, where you seem to spend so much time, but no, that wasn't where you were going."

Arthur sheathed his sword and dismounted, striding straight over to Merlin. Two guards on horseback rode into sight and Arthur gestured dismissively at them.

"The idiot's alive after all," he called out to them and they nodded.

"Where you… following me?" Merlin asked cautiously.

Arthur ignored the question and studied their surroundings.

"What were you doing out here?" he asked. "Doesn't seem very interesting."

Then his eyes found Morgana. She had just managed to reach the cave again and her face became stricken instantly. Arthur stared at her like she wasn't real for a few moments before he shouted out orders.

"Guards! Seize her!" he yelled and they ran to catch her before she could disappear.

Morgana focussed her attention and attempted to throw them off their horses using her magic, but it didn't work. Her magic had been weak since she had escaped Camelot. Her body cramped with the effort and Morgana called out.

"What were you doing here, Merlin?" Arthur asked, staring questioningly at Merlin. "Did you know she was here? Were you meeting her?"

"No," Merlin said, feeling that it wasn't really a lie. He hadn't known she was there until a few hours ago, and he hadn't been planning on meeting her. Morgana was struggling against the hold of the guards and Merlin stiffened with concern. "What are you going to do to her?" he asked, the worry evident in his voice.

Arthur stared at Merlin. Why was this fool always so worried about everything?

"The same thing she was going to do with me," Arthur replied coldly. "She will be executed."

"WHAT?" Merlin shouted.

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><p><strong>Please review and tell me what you think! :)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

"Wait, Arthur!" Merlin said. "You can't be serious!"

Arthur was rather shocked by Merlin's sudden outburst. Was he defending _Morgana_?

"_You _can't be serious," Arthur said, the objection clear in his face. "Out of all the stupid things you've done, the daft people you've tried to protect, this is the stupidest. Morgana has tried to kill _me, you _and all of _Camelot!_ More than once! And now that I've caught her, you're telling me to what? What should I do with her exactly?"

Arthur stared at Merlin angrily, his blond hair falling in his eyes. Merlin could think of nothing to say that would improve the situation, so kept his mouth shut. Arthur took this to mean that the argument was over and mounted his horse.

"Come on, Merlin," Arthur called over his shoulder. "My armour needs polishing."

Merlin walked to where Diablo was waiting and stroked his neck. He would find a way to save her, because after all, this was his fault.

* * *

><p>Merlin had avoided eye contact with anyone on the ride back to the castle, especially with Morgana. The guards had gagged her as a precaution, so that she wouldn't be able to recite any spells. One of them was walking with her on foot while the other led his horse.<p>

It was well into the morning when Gaius found Merlin slumped at the table in their quarters with his head in his hands.

"Wherever have you been, Merlin?" he asked, touching Merlin's shoulder. Merlin jumped at his touch and lifted his head. "I hope you weren't trying to find Morgana."

"I did find her," Merlin said.

Gaius stared at Merlin. Had he just said that he'd found Morgana? Then he was lucky to be as unscathed as he appeared to be. Gaius was surprised neither of them had killed the other yet. That thought sparked an idea in his head and he felt suddenly sorry for Merlin.

"Is she dead, Merlin?" he asked gently. "It was the only way, I'm certain. All her goodness was gone."

"She's alive," Merlin interrupted, tears brimming in his eyes. "I thought I could kill her, but, but… And now Arthur is going to—"

"Calm down," Gaius said sharply, sitting next to Merlin on the wood. "What's this you're saying about Arthur and Morgana?"

"He's going to have her killed," Merlin whispered, wanting ever so badly for it to be a lie.

"I see," Gaius sighed and made Merlin tell him the whole story.

* * *

><p>Merlin entered Arthur's room without knocking, thinking that he would be with the knights or conducting a meeting. He wasn't. He was sitting by the window, staring uncertainly down on the courtyard. He didn't move as Merlin walked noisily through the room, dumping the breastplate on the table. When he saw that Arthur was going to continue to ignore him, he opened the door to leave again.<p>

"Wait, Merlin," Arthur said suddenly and Merlin stopped, his hand paused on the cold wood.

"Is there something else, my liege?"

"No," Arthur said, then shook his head and stood. His expression was haunting. His face was pale and hollow. "I want to ask you about something…" Arthur paused. Was he really asking _Merlin _for advice? Yes. He had no one else to talk to. "It's about Morgana," he said simply, judging Merlin's reaction carefully.

"Yes?"

"I can't possibly execute her," Arthur said in a rush, rubbing a hand jerkily over his cheek. "I am unbelievably angry for what she did to my people and my kingdom, but she's still family. The only family I have left. She may have tried to kill us, but seeing her now… She's ruined… Broken somehow." Arthur let his words hand between them. "So, now I'm faced with a problem: If I'm not going to have her killed, what can I possibly do with her?"

Merlin stood in silence. He wanted to thank Arthur profusely and run to find Morgana, but he could understand Arthur's dilemma.

"For once in your life Merlin, I'm actually asking for your opinion," Arthur said, his lip pulling up in the corner into a half grin, "And for once in your life, you seem unable to give it to me."

Merlin grinned back at him and felt his uneasiness melt away.

"The way I see it, there are two options," Merlin said, unsure if Arthur really wanted his thoughts on the matter or not. Arthur nodded for him to continue. "The first is that you can keep her here, under constant watch, to ensure that she doesn't get out of control."

"Not exactly a brilliant solution," Arthur stated unhurriedly. "What's the second?"

"Have her escorted beyond Camelot's borders. Give her a new life somewhere else; somewhere they won't despise her for her magic." Merlin's suggestion sounded wonderful to him. He'd like to do something of the sort himself.

"That's crazy," Arthur said dismissively.

"No, it isn't," Merlin argued. "I'll even go with her myself!"

"_You_?" Arthur began laughing. When he saw that Merlin wasn't joking, he managed to swallow his laughter, but only just. He raised a cocky eyebrow in suspicion. "I see what's going on here," he said, grinning wider.

"And what might that be?" Merlin asked impatiently.

"You still _like_ Morgana, don't you?" Arthur moved closer.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Of course you do," Arthur said and hit Merlin on the back. "I remember when I caught you bringing her flowers, and sneaking around in the middle of the night. Which reminds me! Whatever were you doing out in the middle of nowhere with Morgana today?"

"Um, well, my horse took off and I found her by accident." A mostly true but thoroughly edited version of the story.

"That sounds about right." Arthur believed the story and Merlin was, once again, off the hook.

"Can I see her?" Merlin asked after a few minutes silence.

"Who?" Arthur asked, already thinking of other matters. "Oh. Morgana. Of course. Who else would you mean?"

Arthur started making jokes about Merlin and his secret love for Morgana, but Merlin cut him off.

"Can I see her or not?" Merlin asked loudly. It sounded pretty rude, so he added, "Sire," on the end.

"Yes, yes. Off you go." Arthur waved him towards the door. "But don't forget to muck out the stable and sharpen my sword at some point."

Merlin rolled his eyes, but it was his job after all. He would have to find time for his duties later. Much later. After he had seen Morgana.

* * *

><p>The staircase down into the dungeons was getting to be very familiar to Merlin. When Kilgharrah had still been chained beneath the castle, he had come here much more often.<p>

There were two guards standing outside the doorway to the cells. Usually, Merlin would perform a magical distraction to get them out of the way but, for once, he had permission from the king to be here. A drowsy head raised as Merlin approached.

"Hey Merlin," said the knight, yawning. "What brings you here?"

"I have permission from the king to see Morgana," Merlin announced.

"Do you have that in writing?" the other guard joked.

Merlin ignored the question and strode past them. He shivered at how cold it was in the stone-walled cells. Morgana must be freezing.

He searched the cells for her in the dim light, almost missing her when she actually came into view. She was slouched against the back wall, her wrists bound and mouth still gagged. Merlin opened the gate and moved hesitantly inside. The first thing he noticed was that someone had left her a blanket.

_Arthur,_ Merlin thought with a smile.

Kneeling next to her, he untied the gag then removed it completely. She stirred at his touch and her emerald eyes were abruptly open and staring up at him in wonder.

"Merlin?" she asked softly, her voice hoarse with the effort. "Is he going to have me killed?" she asked. "I can see why he would. I would have done the same to him. I—"

Morgana's head fell forward and she sobbed for a moment. Merlin sat down and leaned against the wall alongside her. He let one of his arms rest across her shoulders comfortingly.

"Arthur's not going to execute you," he murmured into her hair. "We're going to leave Camelot," he said. "You're going to go somewhere else, Morgana."

"Alone?" she asked rapidly. "I don't want to be alone anymore, Merlin."

Her hand moved to his chest and he covered it with his.

"You won't be," he promised. "I'm going with you."

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed this! Again, I'm sorry it turned out to be another short chapter. It has been an awful lot of fun to write. Please review with any thoughts or advice or if you just liked the story in general!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you think, Gwen?" Arthur asked while he watched her arranging a vase of flowers.

"Hmm?" she said, glancing at him. "Is something wrong?"

"Haven't you been listening?" he snapped, but Gwen laughed.

"Here and there," she said. "You've been ranting all day…"

Arthur sighed. Gwen was good for him, and he knew it. She didn't take him as seriously as everyone else. She wasn't afraid of offending him like his court seemed to be.

"I think that you don't want Merlin to leave Camelot," she said, slipping nearer to him, "With or without Morgana. You're afraid of losing your friend."

"_Friend?_" scoffed Arthur. "He's just a servant"

Gwen gave him a dark look.

"All right. He's my friend." Arthur hated giving in, but he was trying to pick his battles with Gwen carefully. She usually won anyway.

"You can't stop him from leaving," Gwen said, fixing Arthur with a hard stare.

"Actually, I could," Arthur disagreed.

"You won't."

Arthur grimaced.

"I hate it when you're right," he said softly.

"No, you hate it when _you're _wrong," she replied, moving to stand next to him.

Arthur smiled and reached out to her, drawing her into his arms. She brushed his hair off his face and he leaned in to kiss her.

* * *

><p>"Here." Merlin pressed a chunk of bread into Morgana's hand. She nibbled at the crust before lowering it into her lap where she stared at it. "You should eat," Merlin said. "When we leave, you'll need your strength."<p>

"Merlin," Morgana said weakly. "Are we really leaving? You're not… not just saying that, are you?"

"No, I'm not just saying it," Merlin assured her. He gently tugged the blanket so that it was covering more of her long legs.

"Why did Arthur change his mind?" Morgana wondered out loud.

"He said it's because you're his family," Merlin said, then corrected himself, "Because you're his _only_ family."

"Oh," Morgana said, nibbling at the bread again.

Merlin watched her in silence. He noted that she still moved with the same cat-like grace that he'd always known. He could see a lot of what he'd known in her right then, but she was different somehow. The emerald eyes that had once shown him despair, anger, lust and hate now stared at him hollowly. He searched them for emotion, but Morgana turned her head away.

"When?" she asked. "When are we leaving?"

"As soon as Arthur gives the word," Merlin said, but he was becoming unsure that Arthur was ever actually going to. Two days had passed, and Arthur had done his best to avoid speaking to Merlin. He hadn't even ordered him around like he usually did. If Merlin hadn't known better, he would have thought that Arthur didn't want him to go.

After Merlin left Morgana, he went directly to Arthur's chambers, determined to finally talk to him. The door was ajar when he arrived and Merlin pushed it open, walking in to find Arthur and Guinivere kissing by the window. They broke apart when Merlin cleared his throat and Gwen threw him a mischievous grin.

"Hello Merlin. Do you want something?" Arthur said, clearly annoyed.

"Yes, I was wondering when—"

"The correct answer to that question is 'no', Merlin," Arthur said sourly.

"Yes, but—"

"Get out!"

Merlin grinned at Gwen who returned the expression. They were both used to Arthur throwing his weight around, but knew better than to back off. He had turned completely red in the face and was clearly not in a good mood for banter.

"As soon as you tell me when Morgana and I can leave," Merlin said quickly, before Arthur tossed something at him.

Arthur became very still. He glanced at Gwen who gave him a firm look.

"Whenever you're ready, Merlin," he sighed. "You can have a horse for Morgana, and enough food to last for two days."

"Thank you, Arthur," Merlin said and turned to escape the room. Pausing, he called back to Arthur, "Tomorrow, if that's all right. We'll leave just before sunrise."

Merlin waited in the doorway to hear Arthur's response. Arthur seemed fixated on watching the floor and Gwen's feet.

"That's… fine," he said, and Merlin hurried to tell Morgana the good news.

Arthur moved to the window, after Merlin had disappeared, and pressed his forehead against the cold glass. Gwen wrapped an arm round his waist supportively and he sighed roughly, his breath fogging up the pane.

"You did the right thing," Gwen said eventually.

"I don't feel like I did," Arthur answered numbly. "How can he just _leave_? Tomorrow! He's leaving tomorrow. What if he never comes back?"

"He'll come back," said Gwen reassuringly. "He always comes back."

"But what if it's not me he was always coming back to?"

"You're being silly, Arthur. Merlin hasn't replaced _you_ with Morgana. Just like you didn't replace him with me."

"It's just…" Arthur gazed wistfully down at the courtyard as he spoke. That was where Merlin and Morgana would mount their horses and ride away in the morning. "It will be so strange without him around. I don't know that I could adjust to a useful servant."

Gwen laughed and hugged Arthur around his stomach.

"Who will put more holes in your belts for you now?" she joked.

"How do you know about that?"

* * *

><p>"Can it be true?" Morgana asked herself when Merlin informed her of his plans. "Are we really to leave this dreaded place? Are you really coming with me?"<p>

"Yes, milady," Merlin said, winking at her.

Morgana's face lit momentarily with laughter and Merlin realised it had been years since he had first seen her. She had been the happiest he'd ever known her to be back then. Merlin unshackled her wrists and lifted her onto her feet.

"Where are we going?" Morgana asked, shying into the corner.

"I'm getting you out of this dungeon. You need a good night's rest, and you can't possibly have that down here." Merlin wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and helped to guide her to the exit.

"Where will I sleep?" she asked.

"Your old room is still empty," Merlin whispered in her ear, his warm breath tickling her icy skin. "Or," he added, "You can have my bed, but it's not really much better than here."

Morgana smiled again and Merlin felt heat wash through his body. If she was happy, even only for a second, then it was all worth it.

"I think I would like to see my old room…" Morgana said, pushing closer to Merlin in the dark corridor. "It's been so long."

"Maybe some of your old clothes will be there, too," Merlin said, hinting that she should change out of her ragged dress.

"Why, Merlin, are you suggesting that you don't like my attire?" Morgana feigned insult and Merlin grinned.

"Yes," he replied. They both laughed then and it felt terribly like it had in the past, before everything had been torn apart.

Merlin led her past the guard who was on duty without causing any fuss. He didn't even blink an eye. The guards had given up questioning Merlin about what he was up to, because he simply told them they could ask Arthur, and they didn't fancy that idea. Arthur didn't appreciate being asked stupid questions, and he was even less tolerant for hearing stupid questions that involved Merlin.

So no one said a word to them as they crept along the hallways to Morgana's old room. The door wasn't locked and Morgana opened the door, her excitement clear. She seemed oddly perplexed to find that everything was as she left it. Her bed was made and one of the drawers was still slightly open from her last day in the castle. Morgana closed the door behind Merlin and they studied the room together.

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but Morgana hushed him.

"Do you remember?" she asked. "Do you remember bringing my sleeping drafts? Do you remember coming here at night sometimes?"

"Of course," Merlin said.

He felt Morgana brush past him and heat ran up his arm from the touch. Her silhouette stood in the centre of the room, spinning to stare around the room. Her long hair cascaded down her back in black waves and she dropped the blanket from her shoulders. Her dress was truly in pieces now. Barely anything covered her gloriously white skin. She looked like a ghost while Merlin watched her.

Carefully, she moved towards him again. He couldn't see her face and, instinctually, he stepped away from her. That moment felt like they had entered a time slip and gone back to the past. Being with her in this room felt dangerous.

"No one can see us, Merlin," Morgana soothed with a breathy laugh.

"I know," he said.

Morgana stretched out across the darkness and fumbled for his hand. When she found it, she led him to the bed.

"Do you?" she murmured, sitting on the edge. Merlin sat next to her and caught a glimpse of her smile.

"Yes," he whispered as Morgana pushed him down against the mattress.

A shiver ran up his spine as her lips kissed his cheek, teasing him. Her warm body pressed against him and he lifted his hands to hold her. As he kissed her, Morgana ran her hands up his chest, knotting them in his shirt, pulling him to her hungrily.

Morgana's lips parted under his and she felt the fire again; the burning heat that rushed through her body when he touched her. Merlin felt it too and their kiss deepened. He rolled so that she was pinned beneath him. She laughed and he flushed with sudden embarrassment. He would have broken away then, but Morgana's hands caught around his neck and drew him in for another kiss.

"Do you love me, Merlin?" she asked.

He thought for a moment before he answered.

"I do," he said. "And I think I always did. I could never bring myself to kill you…"

"Kill me?" Morgana laughed. "I doubt that you could have!"

"Morgana," he said seriously. "You know that I have magic now, but there's something else. I am Emrys."

Morgana stopped her laughter and furrowed her brow.

"Emrys is an old man, Merlin," she said.

"Yes," Merlin said. "That was me."

Morgana stared up at him.

"It seems we have a lot to talk about," she said, wriggling out of his hold.

"Are you upset?" Merlin asked quickly.

"No," she said. "I'm very surprised."

She snuggled against his side and faced him so that their noses were only inches apart.

"Tell me everything," she said. "Starting from the day you first arrived here. No, from when you were a child, when you discovered your magic."

Morgana listened quietly as Merlin told her everything he could remember about his childhood and his mother. He told her of how he had saved Gaius on his first day in Camelot and how he had seen her at the window watching the execution. He complained about Arthur and how he could never tell anyone about his magic for fear of being put to death.

Morgana lay happily next to Merlin, enjoying the sound of his voice. She wanted to know everything he would tell her. She wanted for this to be the first day of their lives _together_.

When he finished, he waited for her reaction.

"That reminds me," she said, "I love you too, Merlin."

* * *

><p><strong>Please tell me what you think. I was thinking of maybe writing one more short chapter, but for the moment I'm saying it's complete. What do you think? :)<strong>


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